3 Compassionate Practices for Dealing With Difficult People - Panache Desai Blog

3 Compassionate Practices for Dealing With Difficult People

Posted by Panache Desai | Wednesday, December 07, 2016 | : 4

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What if the energy around the relationships and people that challenge you most could be transformed into pure compassion and acceptance?

Those people in your life that trigger you, whether it’s your neighbor that plays loud music or a political figure you can’t stand to watch, all have something to teach you.

The people who challenge you most are helping you grow. It’s time to build a bridge to peace that doesn’t crumble just because another person chooses to act a certain way.

In this video, discover how you can:
 

  • Transform your resistance into acceptance and take back your power and connection to your authentic Self...

  • Let go of how you think people should be and accept them as they are...

  • Align with greater empathy and hold a space of love in the midst of whatever is arising...

Change the way you perceive “difficult” people and watch life become a constant stream of teachers and compassion instead of discord and judgment.

Watch the video below to learn how:


 
 

 

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TRANSCRIPT

3 Compassionate Practices for Dealing with Difficult People

 

We all struggle with people that we’ve deemed to be difficult in our lives. We have, as a result of this, shunned people or pushed them out of the door in the hopes that we never see them again or we reluctantly show up to family gatherings wishing that the people that we have the hardest time with would just leave us alone.

I want you to know that nobody should have that much power over you and that I want you to develop a space of compassion for these individuals where you once experienced a sense of struggle.

Recognizing that the inflection point of resistance that you’re experiencing is within you, that more often than not it really doesn’t have anything to do with the other person no matter how outlandish or outspoken or judgmental or critical they may actually even be.

My sweet friends, nobody should be able to knock you off of your center and I want to empower you to stay firmly rooted in connection in the midst of every interaction especially those with some of the most challenging and difficult people that you deal with on a daily basis.

I’ve discovered that in any moment I have two choices; the first is to either be my loving self and meet this individual with empathy and compassion, find some place of commonality on a level of my humanity so that I can extend a bridge from where I am to where they are ending the separation that keeps me rooted in suffering.

The other approach is to simply move to a place of fear around it and remove myself from the interaction so much so that quite honestly people end up disappearing from my life. I end up missing out on the parts of the relationship that are functional, that do work, that are harmonious, and ultimately, I end up missing a pivotal moment or opportunity to be empowered in the face of whatever’s going on and there’s a huge difference that you begin to experience in life and living when you start to access these strategies.

You see, when you approach someone from a space of love, you’re coming from the part of you that is authentically aligned with your truth. When you approach someone from fear, you’re coming from a vibrational place that’s dissonant and disconnected and it just further perpetuates the sense of separation that you and they are already feeling and experiencing.

You know I’ve had many an opportunity in my life to practice empathy and especially with individuals who are rude or distasteful or who in some way feel obliged to smear their limited perception over everyone else. I’ve discovered quite honestly that that behavior comes from insecurity, that there is something in them that needs them to be as loud as they are, that there is some core wounding that they are acting from, that there is something in them that remains unresolved and more often than not through this way of being they’re actually hurting themselves more than they are anyone else and so having compassion for these people, having empathy for these individuals allows you and them an opportunity for them to find a different way of being and a different way of showing up.

Also, I’ve discovered through the course of my life that people that trigger me and that people that are challenging are actually supporting me in my growth.

The more I’m conscious and aware about that, the more I’m able to then lean into the interaction and the discomfort to then find a place of peace and connection in the midst of it.

Also, I’ve discovered that being mindful of the bigger picture, recognizing that what’s unfolding is a part of my greater journey is an opportunity to integrate unconscious fears and patterns that I have.

This mindfulness provides me a vital shift out of my survival based instincts into metacognition, into spaciousness, into presence, into a space where I can be available for; and so, in these simple steps that we can take, we can move away from aversion and repulsion into more of the state of inclusion.

Now I’m not advocating that you hang out with the most abusive, degrading person in your life for extended periods of time. But what I am saying is that we must embrace these parts of ourselves first and foremost so that then we can experience freedom in the presence of others who are displaying these behaviors.

By virtue of the fact that we are human, we all have the capacity to display these qualities at some point in our lives. Empathy, compassion and seeing the bigger picture allows us to hold a space of love in the midst of whatever is arising. In that way we are never knocked off of our connection and we are never knocked off of center.



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Comments (4)

Posted by janice | Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Thank you Panache! I’ve been having an issue with a supervisor for two years.  I’ve been with my workplace for nearly 30 years and have not been seen as difficult to my knowledge. In the last two years as I’ve been coming into my authenticity she is saying that I have a reputation for being “dfficult” and she has been giving me performance ratings that I feel have not reflected the 110% effort I’m putting into the job.  I definitely have experienced alot of fear being around her and not feeling supported.  She has said that my other team mates are not pleased with my work. When I speak to them, they do not say that. I acknowledge that I do not TRUST my boss, I do not LOVE the work and my team lead is loud.  I also acknowledge that I repress my feelings and do not welcome conflict.  This situation has taken me off my center.  I was able to get a 6 month assignment in a new office which has been great.  I’m feeling this FEAR of having to return to this situation in two months.  On the positive side, I have discovered a new authentic pursuit.  It’s challenging because I want to FOCUS my love on that rather than trying to put all of my time/energy into getting another full-time job and not go back to the OLD job. I’m seeking the BEST and HIGHEST next step.  I do appreciate you teaching of approaching the situation with EMPATHY.  I feel that the last conversation I had with my boss I had less FEAR.  It seems clear that she does not feel that I’m suited for the OLD job.  I EXPECT a MIRACLE!!! YES YES YES in this TIME of CHRIST in MASS.  Blessings!

Posted by S | Wednesday, December 14, 2016

I like the “accept them as they are”, I can now (recently) actually see that letting go to that can relieve me of some suffering.

The other 2…not so much. Due to family circumstances, I am subjected to this person’s unbridled venom & abuse daily. At every turn, constant lies, gaslighting , slanderous accusations, derision, rage, abuse. No matter how well I treat them or limit exposure. They have NO interest in behaving otherwise (except peaches & cream to others). How about people who’ve not had a NDE? Or Divine Guidance since early on, if ever? It seems it’s harder for us folks.

Posted by Divine Being | Thursday, December 15, 2016

I really appreciate this post Panache, thank you. I am often triggered, mostly by one certain individual in my home that I feel shows a lack of respect for me, quite often. Should I try to bring mention it to him, he gets defensive and expresses denial. He tells me it’s my imagination, that I’m a negative thinker. He shuts off any possibility of conversation or discussion about my feelings whatsoever and I feel invalidated as a result. Since I am similar to our friend Janice above, who mentioned not liking conflict, I also avoid it (probably because I saw enough of it in my life, but never learned how to navigate it very well). However, since working with you Panache, I have learned that I have a choice. I can stop and take a moment to breathe and relax. This allows my heart to open and soften. I an approach this individual with empathy, which leads to feeling greater compassion. Whenever I do this I start seeing the bigger picture. I can look beyond his facade and see that he’s scared and hurting inside (even if he denies it). When I see him from this perspective it helps me to accept him as he is. This allows me to return back to a state of peace and love.

Posted by Barbara | Thursday, December 15, 2016

Thank you so much Panache! I am in tears over this teaching. Looking back, this subject seems to be the main issue of my life.  I had a very warm and empathetic parent and a very difficult and demeaning parent.  The demeaning one seemed to have all the power. Yet over many many years and experiences, the warm and empathetic parent actually helped change the demeaning parent for the better. Proving the power of love and empathy.  I have always been triggered by demeaning, threatening, difficult episodes with people, causing a fear reaction. The more involved I was with the person, the more fear (of losing the “good” side of the relationship).  Thoughts like, “Why is this happening again”, “Why do I attract people like this”, why are they acting like this when I’m so good to them, etc. would arise, and trigger disappointment and fear, instead of empathy.  I have been considering training in relationship counseling to learn some more skills to handle people in their difficult moments, or to handle difficult people period.  Your approach feels right on so many levels.  My question is: how do we handle an out of control person in an intimate relationship without causing harm to ourselves from intermittent attacks mingled with intermittent reward behaviors?

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