Panache Blog

Thank you for that. I keep convincing myself that I am willing to feel the pain and yet I persist in the behaviors that contradict that.
The good news is that with your help, I am aware of it and have chose to stop saying I am fine and admit that I am not.
I am going through what I have to go through.
Thank you!

In 1968, just before the Tet Offensive, I was working at our embassy in Saigon. My fiancé was assigned to Can Tho Province in the Mekong Delta. He said they were having a party over the weekend and it was safe to come. Saturday night the Viet Cong attacked our little compound. We were a small group of civilians and some military. If you asked me today how did it feel, I could say I was scared to death, frightened. But that wouldn’t pass muster. There are no words for the fear I felt. I just know that somehow courage came from somewhere to do what I had to do, even though I had never before held a weapon or a grenade.

On Sunday when you asked us to express what we feel, I listened to people desperately trying to describe something for which I personally find impossible to adequately express in words without launching into a descriptive narrative (like above, please excuse). I don’t know how to put a feeling into a word. And all I heard were words. Then one person came forward, tried to talk and fell into your arms. I didn’t need to hear his words. I felt something from him on a level beyond words that made me cry.

I shed many tears last weekend. You shouted the word ‘abandonment’ and I sped all the way back to my childhood when my mother was taken from me at age three. I was told, “The little girl was very angry.” Tears of anger gushed forth. Some of my tears were leftover PTSD, for which I have been treated.

I know a kind of courage that happens when you are acting from a place of spontaneous right action. There is no thinking involved. But you are asking for the kind of courage that requires a great deal of self-inquiry, and that is the toughest kind of all. What happens to those whose wounds are treated medically? Can they never experience the divine?

susan s.

You put it so well, since my August 15th session on Marco Island things have not been the same.  I was holding onto a lot of pain inside and you really are not aware of how much until it is gone. Always being in a control of life, either in control or other people controlling you it does take some time to let go and be FREE and CLEAR,  body and mind.  My body has such a energy and light feeling all the time now.  I listen to your CD every night or morning to hold on to my energy force.  My pain that I was experiencing is 95% better.. I am no more fearful to let go and I do know that the Divine and you Panache are with me. 
Thank You Panache ! 
Looking forward to our never ending journey.
Cindy

It’s hard - releasing does not come easy to me. Since our last session I have felt something needed to come out, and it took me all off a week of misery to finally sit down and cry for the better part of 2 days. Many emotions and feelings came up and every time I thought it was over something else came up.
I have learned well to keep emotions under wraps and to keep up appearances. It helped me to pray for help to release, but also watching a sad movie or listen to melancholic songs - anything, to allow the emotion to come to the surface.
Tonight I feel tired and drained - but I know tomorrow will be a good day.
My heart goes out to everyone who may also be struggling with this issue.
Panache - thank you for your love and help and diligent roasting…

Thank you for a whirlwind acceleration on Shasta’s Birthday. I received my 1st introduction to you on FaceBook with an invitation to attend the full moon chanting session in Delray Beach. I emailed a friend who did not get a chance to read the flyer before the full moon so we followed our original plans to spend the full moon on the beach in Ft. Lauderdale. That night I asked to be shown obstacles to my growth.  Later I had a dream that scared me greatly but I knew the importance wasn’t the content of the dream but the emotions that I had from it. I did an intensive private session. My friend checked into your website and signed up for the weekend.  I was not able to participate both days so I signed up for Sunday which in my mind was a day of mediation and chanting. LOL- I had the information from the chanting flyer stuck in my head.  Sunday was 10,000 steps more then what I thought it would be. I faced my dragon, was eaten, and came through it into the Light. A profound release and acceptance of my pain. Thank you for your daily steps which helps the process continue. 
With laughter, love and light,
Lora

I think I deal with pain pretty well (if I know it’s there)...I mean I seem to cry a little bit every day about something which I feel releases some tension. The “pain” that I feel is mainly me over thinking things and driving myself crazy rather than just accepting what already is. I KNOW that God has a plan and everything is as it should be. Since my weekend at Marco Island I have began to study Buddhism again…I feel that some of the principles of Buddhism really help me to cope with life and with pain.
Love & Light,
Candice C.

The Light, The Light, The Light that is what I have been wanting and chasing for years. Seems like forever. I have not chased, wanted, or accepted any pain, fear, anger, sadness, even though they certainly have been a part of this life. It is not like there was a book or a manual that tells us that we have to experience these things, as you have said I did not sign up for the suffering package, and yet here I am suffering beyond belief. My life and everything about it sucks. I am so angry, so sad, so fearful. Full of pain and hurt that just makes this life really a bad experience. I am here to share with you and our family that I do Acknowledge the fears, the anger, the sadness, and anything else that comes up inside of me, for I did promise to experience life to its fullest and in not accepting these feelings I am breaking my promise. I acknowledge, and accept to experience every feeling to its fullest, for me, for God, and then to release it to you since you keep asking for it, and to God. Thank you for your Love, patience, and understanding. Thank you for your unwavering determination, and sharing that which will help me finally accept me, and my humanity.
Jim

Panache- thank you for your tough love.  Your words of being categorically unwilling to feel the pain was too true for me for too many years.  Last night, one week after accelerating through what felt like life times of pain, I was determined to feel and release more.  As I went to bed I informed my wife of my intention.  In the morning I asked her if I was screaming in my sleep.  She said, no.  Interesting, I shared with her, because last night I felt like I went through another cleansing similar too, but different than the one I experienced at the Duncan Center. Yet it include the feelings of release. I felt your presence and the presence of other souls also purging and releasing their pent up energy.  I even felt the person to person, hand to hand, soul to soul contact of all of us touching and connecting. She then asked me how these experiences of release are different than ones I’ve experienced in the past cathartic group processes, ropes courses and via regression to cause hypnosis. My thoughts are that this feels like its coming from the depths of my soul and from many lifetimes of regret… a karmic release???  Thank you for putting me in touch with the power and courage of The Divine.

I offer an invitation to a thought-experiment. For each experience of anger, while feeling it, ask the question “What is it that I love, that feels threat or harm?” Allow the cascade of insights to deepen until it touches the heart’s core and remembers the beloved. Feel that point, name the beloved, and then allow love to unfold and flow from the core ... over and over, until the sensation of love is stronger than the anger ... and every subsequent experience of anger is felt for what it is: love, just temporarily inside-out. With fear: “What is it that I love, that feels at risk of diminishing or disappearing?” Same with pain and sorrow. I love what I find when I allow these hot bright indicator-lights to lead me inward ... not in self-judgment but in an enlightened self-compassionate scavenger hunt. I simply pass it along as something to try, in case this kind of alchemy works well with your interior too, to melt and dissolve what has gotten stuck earlier, to keep anything else from sticking, to be spared the torment of hostility toward your own natural reactions to/in the condition of being human, and to be spared the torment of looking unkindly on someone else’s reactions. We are on the cusp of freedom here, now, not by hiding but by knowing and blessing.

Panache
Thank you for your insights,  Michael

JAN
I WANTED TO THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING WITH ME YESTERDAY WHEN I CALLED TO SIGN UP MY 101 YEAR OLD FRIEND FOR THE CLEARWATER EVENT. WHEN I GOT OFF THE PHONE WITH YOU I WAS FILLED WITH SUCH JOY, LOVE, BLISS AND FELT SO LIGHT. IT WAS MAGICAL! THE WEDDING PICTURES IN THE LAST EMAIL YOU SENT OUT WERE SO LOVELY AND I COULD SEE THE LOVE IN ALL THE PICTURES. THANKS AGAIN FOR YOUR SHARING. I WAS SO INSPIRED.

By Marcy
I have to tell you that the most shocking news of all is that I’ve been in denial my entire life. I’ve been alternating between deep, dark depression and being a good ‘devotee’ for years, but I learned well that being ‘spiritual’ meant not feeling ANY ‘negative’ feelings. After all, you’re a spiritual being, NOT a human being, and all that. I’m from a family that never talks about their problems at all. They just commit suicide. (one on my father’s side, one on my mother’s side) I’ve repressed it all and that made it so much worse. I had horrible thoughts and struggled for years to deal with them, not knowing that they’re connected to my humanity. Now I know that thoughts are just bubbles and FEELINGS are the important thing.

On Sunday, when you asked for volunteers to release all of our ‘stuff’ I froze. Here I was, craving enlightenment for a lifetime but I was terrified of the feelings coming up inside me. The screams sounded horrific and I was frozen in fear and anxiety. I had cried during the morning but still felt so much fear and terror inside. I let some of it out in the group release but I still feel so much is left to let go of. Why does it feel like it’s endless?

Thank you Panache for the ‘permission’ I never got, to feel my feelings and not be made wrong for being human. Love to you eternally, Marcy

Thank you for your comments. I am honored to be able to support each one of you. In sharing your stories you are sharing your light with each other. What an amazing community the Divine is bringing into being. When you stop smelling the flowers and deal with your pain it dissolves. That is not to say that you will never feel angry, afraid or sad again - because you will. You are human and every emotion is a part of the human experience. The more you experience and feel what there is to experience and feel,  the more you become free. Do not deny any part of you, Every part of you - each emotion - and every feeling is Divine and the more you evolve the more quickly things will start to fall away. 
I Love You All.

Panache

I would like to say thank you for what you are sharing on your blog, both of your CD’s, your web articles etc.  I’ve been listening to both CD’s for a week. 2008 & 09 have been years of hard choices in my personal life. In addition to hard choices my certainty of my life direction was squashed!  Listening to these CD’s I experienced some flash backs from some long ago painful experiences.  I was feeling like “layer cake”.  I am not comfortable with anger or betrayal. I have a tendency to over spiritualize all unpleasant events.  It is time for a new approach.  I am feeling less like layer cake and back to a soft lemon cake now.  Thank you!  The CD’s are part of my daily wellness regime.  I am reminded how important it is to get out of my head and into my feelings and allow the energy to shift. 
Thank you Panache!

I have a question…when we release pain or any"thing” that’s not from the light, can that be manifested into a cold or illness? This past week I had a dream that Panache was giving me a healing like in a session, and when the energy exchange was over I opened my mouth wide and released something. Since that dream, I have had a cold and an annoying cough and I think it’s b/c I am releasing some stuff. Hmmmmm….......?
Any correlation?

Candice sometimes as we shift energetically it can manifest physically too. It is great that you are moving through all that you no longer need. I will continue to support you and look forward to seeing you soon.

Love and Light,

Panache

Dear Panache,
I read these words over and over for they had a ring of truth to me. I felt like you were telling my story. I realize now that it is really not about your “story”, it is what you do from here that is the real testament to who you are. Thanks for holding the mirror…........
Love, Patty

a morning chuckle a morning laugh and love to everyone i’ve met in the sessions wayne

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