On Being a Conscious Father

Posted by Panache | Saturday, June 15, 2013

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A Checklist for Stretching into Authentic Relationship with Children of All Ages

Fatherhood is such a wild and wonderful experience. While I had been a father to Jan’s son Sam through his late middle school years, high school and now college, I had never been a father to diaper-clad infants. So last year June, in anticipation of our twin girls’ arrival, Jan bought me an incredible Father’s Day gift - a very manly, pinstripe “Diaper Dude” Messenger Bag.  Yes, you heard that right. It’s a man’s version of the mommy classic diaper bag with enough pouches and zippers to lose both my iPhone and babies.

The most charming aspect of my now overflowing diaper bag - beside the fact that there is not a pastel hue or cute cartoon animal in sight - is the inside flap where the company smartly provides a daddy check list of essentials necessary to avert the inevitable infant disaster. The checklist includes diapers, diaper crème, bottles, a change of clothes, wet wipes, and my favorite and last item…Baby!

I’m earning my stripes. With teen-aged parenting under my belt and now almost nine months of intense, 24/7 baby time, I have a “Diaper Dude” check list of my own to share with other fathers, grandfathers, uncles, and special godfathers. It is with deep respect that I share these mad, wicked, awesome insights and awarenesses on conscious fatherhood to all my fellow diaper dudes.

1. Slow Your Roll

Every father I meet, young or old, immediately says, "It goes by really fast. Don’t miss it."  I already know they’re right. After dividing myself between being a son, a husband, and a conscious human being, I now add the role “father to twins” and it’s easy to let daily life roll full throttle to a point where all the important moments are simply whizzing by. Guys, take the time to slow down and be present. Connect with your breath as it is the fastest, most sure fire way of anchoring you fully in each moment. Phones are ringing, deadlines are calling, dogs need walking, carpool needs driving, Johnny needs help with algebra (and when did they start teaching that in 4th grade anyway?) and babies are crying. Breathe. Your internal state is the most important thing of all. Let it be your foundation. By being anchored in present moment awareness, you won’t allow the distractions to cloud your awareness, or dull your appreciation of your child's precious moments, not to mention the evolutionary milestones.

2.  Prepare The Way

Everyday I look into my twin’s eyes and tell them they're beautiful, they’re important, they’re smart and I love them just the way they are. I want them to hear that from me every day to lay the foundation for their self-esteem and their relationship with men. With each phone call to my stepson I tell him how proud I am of how he is navigating life. The fact that he is consciously trying to move into greater levels of responsibility during his college years is as important as his grades. The importance of these heartfelt messages, at both ends of the developmental spectrum, cannot be understated. You are the primary source of male energy in your children’s lives. How you treat them now is how they will expect to be treated as they grow and navigate the greater world.

3. Have A Daily Heart To Heart

As vibrational beings we respond to energy, so I share my energy with my children. I place my daughters on my chest so we can connect our hearts together as one. When Sam comes home from college, he gets grabbed and hugged as often as we can catch him. Whether your child is six months, six years, sixteen, or 26, set up a “heart to heart” practice holding your heart next to theirs in a solid hug. Not used to this practice?  It’s never too late to start. Even the most masculine, burly NFL players embrace each other with demonstrative hugs on the playing field each week.

OK. So there will be times your kids don't want to be hugged. No big deal. Do it anyway. They may fight you like a rabid badger at first, but they’ll quickly get over any discomfort and secretly thank you for it later.

4. Handing Down Your Luminous Love

Your children are not inheriting your ideas or your belief systems. They're inheriting your consciousness and your vibrational legacy. What determines the outcome of their life is your clarity within yourself. As parents we have the responsibility of dealing with what’s going on inside of us. The good news is that everyone who is involved in vibrational transformation, or is reading this blog, has already begun to shift his or her resonance and frequency thus breaking the cycle. But it's important for parents to recognize that's its not so much what we do with our children but what we cultivate within ourselves so our kids inherit our clarity.

Take the time to deal with the unresolved emotional content inside of you – your vibrational density. Face your addictive patterns, your thought forms, your belief systems, your energy, and your anger. By having the courage to experience your unresolved emotions you can transform your way of being. You cannot bring your past, your stories, or your unresolved issues into the parenting equation. Like a heavy, smelly, poopy diaper, you have to deal with it as soon as possible. Everything you do to take care of heaviness inside yourself keeps your children from being encumbered by that density in the future.

My Father’s Day wish for you is to come into a vibration of love so powerful that you cannot help but pass it on to your kids – of all ages. When you emanate that vibrancy and clarity, your children will always be warmed and nurtured by your powerful, glowing luminous love.  That love is the one checklist item that always flows freely from your pinstriped bag and makes you the most awesome and ultimate, “Diaper Dude.”

Happy Father’s Day.